What is Matrescence?

When it comes to having a baby, we are flooded with information on everything from how to have the ideal birth to what’s the best cot to buy. As you prepare for the imminent arrival of your baby by buying clothes, packing hospital bags and choosing a pram, the person who will give birth, the mother, is usually last on the list and all but forgotten about. Once the baby arrives, we can find ourselves feeling shocked and confused by the inevitable emotional highs and lows that follow.

Whilst there are hundreds of books available and endless information on social media about how to get your baby to sleep, what routine you should be following or what to expect from your baby in the first year - more often than not, most women are not prepared for the huge emotional shifts that accompany the transition to motherhood.  Intrusive thoughts, feelings of anxiety and tension, low mood and depression are common experiences for the postpartum mother, yet many women feel alone in this and that there is something wrong with them for not “enjoying every minute” of being with their baby. Disrupted sleep, difficulties with feeding and the sometimes surprising feelings that can accompany breastfeeding all add to the mix. Not to mention getting used to your postpartum body.

We universally recognise that adolescence is the bumpy road we travel as we leave childhood and emerge into adulthood. However, we are less familiar with the process of matrescence. Matrescence is the developmental phase that follows giving birth and involves hormonal shifts, physical and psychological changes and adjustments in relationships with self and others. It is a time of great change and transition and it can help us to understand why it is common to feel all at sea once you have had a baby.

When we consider all of this, it is perhaps not surprising that many women can experience a disorientating loss of identity after becoming a mother. Put simply, you aren’t the same post baby and you aren’t meant to “snap back” as if nothing has changed, as society would have us believe. Although the GP might have discharged you after your 6-week check, the motherhood journey is only just beginning.

It is great to see that the concept of matrescence is becoming more widely recognised. If we can come to accept the turbulence of this time, we are able to acknowledge the full picture of what it means to have a baby and become a mother. This contains both the joyful parts (love and wonder) alongside the difficult parts (confusion, loneliness, sadness, rage). When we can see all these parts together, there is a place for all of the feelings. So often women feel totally alone with the more difficult aspects of motherhood and only able to share the parts that feel more acceptable.

If you are struggling at this time, therapy can provide a space for you to make sense of this whirlwind of emotions and support you in these challenges so that you can find your feet again.