When it comes to having a baby, we are flooded with information on everything from how to have the ideal birth to what’s the best pram to buy. In the frenzy of getting ready for the imminent arrival of your baby, we often forget about the person who will give birth, the mother. Once the baby arrives, we can find ourselves feeling shocked and confused by the inevitable emotional highs and lows that follow.

Whilst there are hundreds of books available and endless information on social media about how to get your baby to sleep, what routine you should be following or what to expect from your baby in the first year - more often than not, most women are not prepared for the huge emotional shifts that accompany the transition to motherhood.

We universally recognise that adolescence is the bumpy road we travel as we leave childhood and emerge into adulthood. However, we are less familiar with the process of matresence. Similarly to adolescence, matrescence is a developmental phase that involves hormonal shifts, physical and psychological changes and adjustments in relationships with self and others.

When we consider all of this, it is not surprising that so many women experience a disorientating loss of identity after having a baby. Put simply, you aren’t the same post baby and you aren’t meant to “snap back” as if nothing has changed, as society would have us believe.

It is great to see that the concept of matrescence is becoming more widely recognised. If we can come to accept the turbulence of this time, we are able to acknowledge the full picture of what it means to have a baby. This contains both the joyful parts (deep love and wonder) alongside the difficult parts (confusion, loneliness, sadness, rage). When we can see all these parts together, there is a place for all of the feelings. So often women feel totally alone with the more difficult aspects of motherhood and only able to share the parts that feel more acceptable. This only creates further isolation and can be a contributory factor to maternal mental health problems.

If you are struggling at this time, therapy can provide a space for you to make sense of this whirlwind of emotions and support you in these challenges. If you would like to have a chat about therapy, get in touch.